Mental Health Discussion Thread - It's GOOD To Talk.

[LOG]

I’ve thought twice about posting this but then that’s part of the problem innit…

I spoke to someone a while back which was something I should’ve done a long time ago. My symptoms were mild and barely registered on the initial questionnaire I had to fill in (although I later realised I’d underscored myself) but I knew they were there and that they were, to a degree, determining how I lived my life. It was a feeling of general anxiety which would come and go and manifest itself in procrastination, catastrophising and a fear of being negatively judged, even though I can be a right judgemental sod myself.

At the time of speaking to someone I wasn’t sure it was really doing any good but it was only afterwards when I reflected on it that I realised that my thought processes had, very gradually, started to change. No longer did my brain immediately think that everyone was going to die because a particular, innocuous event had occurred or might occur. No longer did I worry to the same extent what a stranger in the street thought about me (probably nothing) and no longer did I keep putting things off to the same extent (that’s still a work in progress, mind). Particularly with the catastrophising and procrastination, they created spin off feelings of frustration and stress because the rational part of my brain knew how silly it was and that, for example, putting something off that would take five minutes would play on my mind. I do still have to regularly tell myself to JUST EFFING DO IT AND DO IT NOW though.

One thing I learnt is to make the most of the small wins. It sounds really lame but there was a time when I was in a shop with a weird queuing system and some bloke pushed in. Except he didn’t actually push in, he just hadn’t realised how it worked and so I pointed this out to him, he apologised and joined the back of the queue. Six months earlier I almost certainly wouldn’t have done that and I came away feeling quite pleased with myself. As I said, small wins.

I’ve said “to the same extent” a couple of times because, like an alcoholic may only ever become a recovering alcoholic, these feelings will never fully go away but it’s about learning to manage your thoughts, not always letting your first thought be your dominant thought, contextualising them, putting them into perspective and accepting that it’s small steps - the way my brain was working was 40 odd years in the making so it was never going to change overnight!

 

[Legohead]

Thanks for sharing LOG. I'm pleased to see that you are improving your mental health situation. I have to say thanks to everyone who has posted on here. It has taken me by surprise. When i posted the thread i thought to myself, 'nobody will say owt on here but just post it anyway', and i'm encouraged by the responses. I'm the same with catastrophising. Everything that is not a big deal to someone else is a huge problem for me and i make it 10 times worse than it actually is or need be in the first place.

Managing your thoughts is a great way of putting things.

I also procrastinate daily and it's difficult to stop doing this because of my autistic spectrum traits. I find it immensely difficult to suddenly transition from one activity to another, or i cannot decide what to do and so half the time i don't end up doing anything!

 

[LOG]

Thanks for sharing LOG. I'm pleased to see that you are improving your mental health situation. I have to say thanks to everyone who has posted on here. It has taken me by surprise. When i posted the thread i thought to myself, 'nobody will say owt on here but just post it anyway', and i'm encouraged by the responses. I'm the same with catastrophising. Everything that is not a big deal to someone else is a huge problem for me and i make it 10 times worse than it actually is or need be in the first place.

Managing your thoughts is a great way of putting things.

I also procrastinate daily and it's difficult to stop doing this because of my autistic spectrum traits. I find it immensely difficult to suddenly transition from one activity to another, or i cannot decide what to do and so half the time i don't end up doing anything!

On the catastrophising thing, I remember an evening when I was at my sister’s with my mum. When it came to leaving at about 9pm I offered her a lift home but she said she’d walk and so during the drive home my brain concocted a series of events whereby she ended up dead in the street. The stupid thing was though that if I was that concerned why didn’t I turn around and go to check? The reason for that is because the rational part of my brain was telling me that the possibility of it happening was almost non-existent but it created that conflict whereby your mind goes backwards and forwards, from one extreme to the other.

I know the feeling about ending up doing nothing with procrastination! It can feel like flicking between TV channels in that you see bits of twenty different programmes but end up not actually watching anything. If it’s something small and quick I now tell myself to just get on with it and with the bigger things I try to prioritise and make best use of the time I have. For example, I would completely put off a task at work if I thought I wouldn’t have time that day to complete it, beginning to end, when what I should have been doing is telling myself that I could at least make a start and then there would be less to do the following day. I'm still not great at this but I'm getting better and it's definitely reduced the self-induced stress!

 

[Legohead]

On the catastrophising thing, I remember an evening when I was at my sister’s with my mum. When it came to leaving at about 9pm I offered her a lift home but she said she’d walk and so during the drive home my brain concocted a series of events whereby she ended up dead in the street. The stupid thing was though that if I was that concerned why didn’t I turn around and go to check? The reason for that is because the rational part of my brain was telling me that the possibility of it happening was almost non-existent but it created that conflict whereby your mind goes backwards and forwards, from one extreme to the other.

I know the feeling about ending up doing nothing with procrastination! It can feel like flicking between TV channels in that you see bits of twenty different programmes but end up not actually watching anything. If it’s something small and quick I now tell myself to just get on with it and with the bigger things I try to prioritise and make best use of the time I have. For example, I would completely put off a task at work if I thought I wouldn’t have time that day to complete it, beginning to end, when what I should have been doing is telling myself that I could at least make a start and then there would be less to do the following day. I'm still not great at this but I'm getting better and it's definitely reduced the self-induced stress!

Yes. The catastrophizing almost becomes a form of OCD where you have to change your behaviours to alleviate the catastrophic thoughts that our brains have formulate for us. I remember one time when we were on holiday near Great Yarmouth a few years ago and we decided to drive about 10 miles to a pub called the Reedham Ferry Inn for an evening meal. When we got there, we found ourselves on the opposite side of the river to the pub at a little car park.

The Inn had a small chain ferry that they operated to take customers across to the pub from that side of the river. I kept thinking what if the ferry operator had a heart attack or the ferry suddenly stopped operating without us knowing. We'd be stuck on the other side of the river and wouldn't be able to get back to the car. I had this anxiety all the time we were at the pub having our meal. Just this really stupid, irrational uncertainty.

With the procrastination, i often make lists the night before if i have free days (every day these days ) so that i can get myself motivated to do something. With depression for example, it's the act of actually doing things even when you absolutely don't feel like doing anything that can act as a catalyst for behavioural change and increased motivation.

 

[DB9]

Well Lego it was quite brave of you to start this and by that i mean blokes aren't normally up for sharing this sort of stuff, Probably the male ego thing My take from this past year is how fragile we all are, I've had some real down days, I call them my "Moments" where for no reason things have just overwhelmed me and then some days i feel like saying "Don't be such a soft git!" I can only imagine the frustration of having little kids around virtually 24/7 where you have to be a teacher as well as a parent but I'm coming from and older persons point, My kids left home a while back and have children of their own so that is where i get the "Parent/Teacher" info from.

Personally with my good lady, Like Jinxy says it has been a bit fraught sometimes mainly because we're not giving each other enough space and any little thing is magnified 10 times over, Whilst i was on furlough was the worse becuase we obeyed the rules, stayed at home etc and its not natural to be kept couped up and it was quite a strain some times. One of the big things is not seeing family, I really miss hugging my Grandkids, I see them on facetime but its still not enough, Its been nearly a year since I've seen my Grandson, He's two now and when we finally get to meet up he won't know us, That really upsets me.

My 3 granddaughters are a lively trio, They live quite local but other than facetime we haven't seen them, We could i guess but we want to obey the rules as i am trying to see the bigger picture. My father went into a Dementia home in September, I have not seen him for over a year bar one ten minute meet up in the garden at his house in Devon last June, Unfortunatly his condition deterioated and it was decided the best place for him was in a home, They found him once in the garden of his house with all the eletrical items outside, water turned off and apparantly he spent nearly a night in the garden because he fell over and know one heard him (Lucky it was late summer and still quite warm!) My siblings organised everything as they live closer but of course i haven't been able to visit because of the restrictions.

Now a year one from when all this started i feel like my mental state has took a real bashing, I genuinely feel "weak" and just feel i've had the stuffing kicked out of me, This is one side of things that was at the start ignored IMHO I know people go on about the youngsters and how they have felt this quite hard and i really sympathise i really do but i can imagine that the parents of the youngsters/Students (My sort of age) are also feeling it hard because not only have they their kids to worry about, I'd imagine quite a few of them have lost jobs and are really struggling to pay the bills to keep a roof over their heads.

All in all, I'm hating this, it looks like we might be through the worst of it but it has left me mentally drained, Unable to cope somedays and feeling a total failure that i can't help my kids/Grandkids in a way that i would like to. Last january i had a cancer scare and a tumour removed, I thought that would have been my hardest bit of 2020, How wrong i was. There you go, that's me warts an all!

 

[lamrobhero]

I am not going to reveal too much but thought that I should contribute as a sign of solidarity.

There was a time at work when I "froze" in that I could not take decisions - a bit like the procrastination described above I guess. I took 3 days off and in those 3 days I did and thought nothing except sit infront of the TV all day - Homes Under The Hammer, Flog It, great programmes. After 3 days I went back to work and was able to carry on.

 

[Legohead]

Does anyone suffer from addictions?

I have a gambling addiction although it's managable. I don't spend money i don't have or borrow money to bet with but i do spend much disposable income on betting which is a habit. I've found it worse during lockdown as it's one of the only pleasures or buzzes that i get. I also am finding it hard to concentrate on settling down to watch a football match, say in the evening when a game is on the box and you've got all these bets on and spend half your time looking at your laptop / phone with live score updates to see how the bets are doing. I find this a distraction and i can't fully concentrate on the game i'm watching and be able to get absorbed in it.

The proliferation of betting sites, adverts and the ease of being able to bet now is consuming at times and i long for the days when you used to simply pop into the bookies before going to a game and having an acca or two and then thinking nothing of it until you got home and checked the other footy results. A more manageable and simpler time.

I also drink beer most nights. Not a lot. Mainly like 3 bottles of 3-4% ale, sometimes 4 a night but over the course of a week it could be about 50 units i guess. It gets to a certain point in the day (usually tea time - i'm from Yorkshire so that means evening dinner) and then thoughts turn to the rest of the evening. I can either go to bed early as i'm bored or stay up and have a few beers and pass time. It's a cycle which has been exacerbated in lockdown. Literally it's a tolerable way of passing an evening.

 

[DB9]

Does anyone suffer from addictions?

I have a gambling addiction although it's managable. I don't spend money i don't have or borrow money to bet with but i do spend much disposable income on betting which is a habit. I've found it worse during lockdown as it's one of the only pleasures or buzzes that i get. I also am finding it hard to concentrate on settling down to watch a football match, say in the evening when a game is on the box and you've got all these bets on and spend half your time looking at your laptop / phone with live score updates to see how the bets are doing. I find this a distraction and i can't fully concentrate on the game i'm watching and be able to get absorbed in it.

The proliferation of betting sites, adverts and the ease of being able to bet now is consuming at times and i long for the days when you used to simply pop into the bookies before going to a game and having an acca or two and then thinking nothing of it until you got home and checked the other footy results. A more manageable and simpler time.

I also drink beer most nights. Not a lot. Mainly like 3 bottles of 3-4% ale, sometimes 4 a night but over the course of a week it could be about 50 units i guess. It gets to a certain point in the day (usually tea time - i'm from Yorkshire so that means evening dinner) and then thoughts turn to the rest of the evening. I can either go to bed early as i'm bored or stay up and have a few beers and pass time. It's a cycle which has been exacerbated in lockdown. Literally it's a tolerable way of passing an evening.

Read this earlier Lego and was quite "Alarmed" with it, I'm no expert on addiction but looking in from just what you have written I'd be concerned. This "I have a gambling addiction although it's managable" lit up the first red light to me and the "but i do spend much disposable income on betting which is a habit." also concerned me, You've said your gambling was an addiction but you manage it, I think most experts in this field would say you can't "Manage" an addiction if you keep doing it because it can get out of hand, With you admitting spending your disposable income on it and the proliferation of sites to bet on and the ease of them, Spending time watching the betting site rather than the game i would say you might need to chat to someone about this, tell them what you've told us on here and see if they think this is a safe, managed addiction or you need help to combat this.

Your drinking also because as you say you either go to bed early or you stay up and drink just to pass the time, 3 or 4 bottles a night times that by 7 and so on really does mount up. You're doing it because in your words, Out of "Boredom" and in your words "It's a cycle which has been exacerbated in lockdown. Literally it's a tolerable way of passing an evening." Anything to make life "Tolerable" i think again sends out warning signs. Please don't think I'm moaning at you, This is out of genuine concern for you and i mean all the best will in the world, You have a partner and daughter to think of and I'm sure they wouldn't want you like this. Remember, Whatever the addiction is still and addiction and its a cycle you might want to break.

 

[angelic upstart]

Lego, no addiction is manageable long term. Please seek professional help for the gambling. Re the booze, how long can you go without drinking and staying sane? If the answer isn’t forever, then you are a problem drinker, not necessarily an alcoholic. Again seek professional help, please.

 

[Oldsmobile-88]

Addictions...Nicotine for me.
Kicked the habit years ago I’m pleased to say.

I had a close family member who was a alcoholic.My sympathy’s with anyone who has to live with that(thankfully he has not touched a drop for 35 years & would have died years ago without abstaining)

A big one in vogue at the moment is gambling especially as it’s so easy these days.No need to trudge to the bookies when you can bet from the comfort of your front room on a App.
Football has a unhealthy relationship with the gambling giants imo,but that is a different debate.