The entertainment thread.

Banksy

Very well known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jul 24, 2009
Messages
11,441
Location
Mersham Kent
Interesting Philosophical Gems:

Points of enlightenment


“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry

“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Philips

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” – George Burns

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin
 

Banksy

Very well known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jul 24, 2009
Messages
11,441
Location
Mersham Kent
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 999 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here, and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole, and he's coming to help you".

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
 

Bridgy 81

Active member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
1,580
Location
Bridgwater
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 999 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here, and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole, and he's coming to help you".

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
That one reminds me a little of when I spoke with a neighbour some time ago and she told me her husband had recently passed away.
After giving my condolences I asked her what had happened.
She said he’d gone out to their vegetable patch to get a cabbage for their tea and had fallen flat on his face.
I said, I’m so sorry, whatever did you do?
She replied. I opened a tin of peas.
 
Top