The entertainment thread.

[iscalad]

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

 

[Rosencrantz]

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

Reading it with Pam Ayres voice in your head just makes it funnier.

 

[Banksy]

The population of Earth is around 7.8 Billion.
For most people, it is a large figure. However, if you condensed 7.8 billion into 100 persons, and then into various percentage statistics the resulting analysis is relatively much easier to comprehend.
Out of 100:

11 are in Europe
5 are in North America
9 are in South America
15 are in Africa
60 are in Asia

49 live in the countryside
51 live in cities

12 speak Chinese
5 speak Spanish
5 speak English
3 speak Arabic
3 speak Hindi
3 speak Bengali
3 speak Portuguese
2 speak Russian
2 speak Japanese
62 speak their own language.

77 have their own dwellings.
23 have no place to live.

21 are over-nourished.
63 can eat full.
15 are under-nourished
1 ate the last meal, but did not make it to the next meal.

The daily cost of living for 48 is less than 2 USD (US Dollars).

87 have clean drinking water
13 either lack clean drinking water or have a water source that is polluted.

75 have mobile phones
25 do not.

30 have internet access
70 do not have the availability to go online

7 received university education
93 did not attend college.

83 can read
17 are illiterate.

33 are Christians
22 are Muslims
14 are Hindus
7 are Buddhists
12 are other religions
12 have no religious beliefs.

26 live less than 14 years
66 died between 15 - 64 years of age
8 are over 65 years old.

If you have your own home, eat full meals & drink clean water, have a mobile phone, can surf the internet, and have gone to college, you are in the minuscule privileged lot. (in the less than 7% category)

 

[Grecian2K]

Thanks for that one Isca

Dear Pam has always been a legend...Benny Hill is poetic female form.

 

[Alistair20000]

The population of Earth is around 7.8 Billion.
For most people, it is a large figure. However, if you condensed 7.8 billion into 100 persons, and then into various percentage statistics the resulting analysis is relatively much easier to comprehend.
Out of 100:

11 are in Europe
5 are in North America
9 are in South America
15 are in Africa
60 are in Asia

49 live in the countryside
51 live in cities

12 speak Chinese
5 speak Spanish
5 speak English
3 speak Arabic
3 speak Hindi
3 speak Bengali
3 speak Portuguese
2 speak Russian
2 speak Japanese
62 speak their own language.

77 have their own dwellings.
23 have no place to live.

21 are over-nourished.
63 can eat full.
15 are under-nourished
1 ate the last meal, but did not make it to the next meal.

The daily cost of living for 48 is less than 2 USD (US Dollars).

87 have clean drinking water
13 either lack clean drinking water or have a water source that is polluted.

75 have mobile phones
25 do not.

30 have internet access
70 do not have the availability to go online

7 received university education
93 did not attend college.

83 can read
17 are illiterate.

33 are Christians
22 are Muslims
14 are Hindus
7 are Buddhists
12 are other religions
12 have no religious beliefs.

26 live less than 14 years
66 died between 15 - 64 years of age
8 are over 65 years old.

If you have your own home, eat full meals & drink clean water, have a mobile phone, can surf the internet, and have gone to college, you are in the minuscule privileged lot. (in the less than 7% category)

The population of Earth is around 7.8 Billion.
For most people, it is a large figure. However, if you condensed 7.8 billion into 100 persons, and then into various percentage statistics the resulting analysis is relatively much easier to comprehend.
Out of 100:

11 are in Europe
5 are in North America
9 are in South America
15 are in Africa
60 are in Asia

49 live in the countryside
51 live in cities

12 speak Chinese
5 speak Spanish
5 speak English
3 speak Arabic
3 speak Hindi
3 speak Bengali
3 speak Portuguese
2 speak Russian
2 speak Japanese
62 speak their own language.

77 have their own dwellings.
23 have no place to live.

21 are over-nourished.
63 can eat full.
15 are under-nourished
1 ate the last meal, but did not make it to the next meal.

The daily cost of living for 48 is less than 2 USD (US Dollars).

87 have clean drinking water
13 either lack clean drinking water or have a water source that is polluted.

75 have mobile phones
25 do not.

30 have internet access
70 do not have the availability to go online

7 received university education
93 did not attend college.

83 can read
17 are illiterate.

33 are Christians
22 are Muslims
14 are Hindus
7 are Buddhists
12 are other religions
12 have no religious beliefs.

26 live less than 14 years
66 died between 15 - 64 years of age
8 are over 65 years old.

If you have your own home, eat full meals & drink clean water, have a mobile phone, can surf the internet, and have gone to college, you are in the minuscule privileged lot. (in the less than 7% category)

Some interesting and surprising data in there. I would have been miles out if I had to guess mobile phones. Thought under nourished would be higher than 15%

 

[fred binneys head]

I’m more amazed that there are 45 people out of 100 who have mobile phones but no internet access. Maybe the iPhone isn’t as popular as I thought.

 

[Banksy]

Some interesting and surprising data in there. I would have been miles out if I had to guess mobile phones. Thought under nourished would be higher than 15%

What should make many people in the UK grateful is being in that top 7%.I say ‘many’ reservedly obviously.

 

[Banksy]

 

[Banksy]

 

[Banksy]