todays joke

[Chuckles]

BREAKING TRANSFER NEWS

It has just been announced after some bad news last week, Manchester City have decided to sell Shaun Wright Phillips to Madonna

 

[southamptongrecian]

And Jesus said unto his 12 disciples as he was being nailed on the cross.....











Dont touch my f**king easter eggs, I'll be back on Monday.

 

[Grecian2K]

Its a proven fact that its not women who SUFFER from PMT...
....its us blokes that SUFFER from it....
....women just have it (allegedly - I'm still not convinced that it actually exists as opposed to being just another excuse for time off [like maternity leave etc ])

 

[Red Lion]

Red Rum and Desert Orchid were in a bar, talking about their glory days.

Red Rum asks "Dessy, did you ever notice, just as you crossed the winning line, a fierce, sharp pain up your bum?"

Desert Orchid replied "YEAH!! now you mention it, I did! I never said anything, I thought it was just me!"

A Greyhound walked across and said "Sorry to butt in lads, but all of us Greyhounds have had the same thing, a nasty pain up your arse just as you're going to win the race!

Desert Orcid looked at his mate, and said "Fookin hell Red Rum, a talking dog!!"

 

[GrecianLez]

Paddy's girlfriend had a tattoo done of a sea shell on the inside of her thigh
Paddy loves it because as he puts his ear on it, he can almost smell the sea


Tada

 

[JamieEcfc]

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Haha Brilliant!

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[top red]

Button seriously hurt in F1 accident

http://img301.imageshack.us/img301/7531/titanic1999021jf.jpg

 

[les.gtfc]

Steven Hawkins has just got back from his first date in 10 years.................

His glasses are smashed, he has a bump on his head, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up

 

[Grecian_in_Plymouth]

Guy wins the lottery and decides to buy a racehorse. He gets a top trainer to train it. Day of its first race comes round and he has arranged to meet the trainer at the course but on the way there gets a call from him saying he is stuck in traffic and may not make it in time. He says he would ring the jockey and tell him but as phones arn't allowed in the jockeys room could he go to see him and give him the specific intructions what to do.

He gets in the jockeys room finds his jockey and says, when you are coming up to a fence just whisper in his ear 1-2-3 jump and the horse will do the rest. Well the jockey goes off on one and says that he's been riding horses for over 10 years and know how to handle them and storms off.

The race get underway and coming up to the first fence he says nothing....CRASH....the horse goes straight through the fence. Luckily he stays on board. This is repeated at the second fence and by this time he is like 20 lengths adrift at the back so at the 3rd fence he whispers 1-2-3 jump and the horse soars over the fence. At the next fence 1-2-3 jump the horse soars over that too. Hes making up so much ground he get to the final fence and is only a couple of lengths behind the leader. 1-2-3 JUMP he shouts, the horse soars into the air and lands just behind the leader but despite his best efforts can't quite catch him and comes 2nd.

Sh*t, he thinks, if I had followed the owners advice I would have ****** that race, Id better think up an excuse. Hes back in the jockeys room and the owners comes storming in. What the f*ck happened out there then. Well says the jockey I did what you said but I think he must be a bit deaf.

He's not deaf shouts the owner, hes f*cking BLIND.

loved it --

 

[lancsgrecian]

My pal's wife threw him out for borrowing her toothbrush.


But as he says, if you know a better way to get dogsh*t out of trainer soles then fire away