Anyone know any good jokes?

[Red Robbo]

Woman in front of Doctor with a cork up her fa**y. When she pulls it out her fa**y sings "glory, glory, Man United".
Dont worry says the doc, lots of c*nts do that.

Tell me you did not laugh at that one Joey.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[joey]

ZZzzzzzzzzz....

....eh?...sorry?...what was that?... a statement?

Woman goes to the Doctor (not Dr Death)....with a strawberry up her @rse.....

'I've got some cream for that'.......

 

[tedfol]

thats older than u joey!! :lol:

 

[joey]

Come on then?

Let us know the cutting edge of humour.....

 

[Flackythelegend]

joey walks into a bar.......OUCH!

 

[joey]

OUCH!

 

[KentGull]

An elderly couple, Margaret and Charles, are in California. Charles always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated Charles storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looks up and says, "Charles, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow. Furious, Charles yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope". She replies. "IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!" To which Margaret replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Charles. Shoulda bought a hat."

 

[Spicy Nik Nak]

Hear about the paedophile Santa Claus? He went into a little boys room and emptied his sack.

 

[KentGull]

There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth.

A policeman came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?"

The drunk replied, "I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys."

The police officer said, "Sir, do you know your zipper is down?"

The drunk replied, "Shit, I lost my wife, too!"

 

[peter the painter]

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.

The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between thy legs. Your body heat will warm
them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands
are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will
warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said,

"my nose is cold." The girl replied, "put it between my legs. The warmth
of my body will warm it up.

He did and his nose warmed up.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said,

"My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and
she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"


Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do thee ask?"

The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't

they?"