ecfc70
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- Mar 23, 2011
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Saw this on the plymouth carp for sale facebook page and thought i would share.......seems almost about right ;-)
Top days out for Janners
Number 1088
Wemblee.
One of the bestest things Janners like to do, once every 20 years, is to head off up to London to watch their beloved Argo.
They loves it they do.
Every man and his ****ty dog become devout Argo fans for the two weeks before the game and for roughly 2 minutes after the game finishes.
6000 season ticket holders quickly become 36000 walking, talking, bull****ting super fans.
But anyway, none of that matters. THE GREENS ARE GOING TO WEMBLEE.
Which means 36000 Janners are focking off up to London.
Oh dear god.
The build up begins with the ticket purchase, the transport booking and the hotel reservation, not to mention the purchase of 6 crates of Stella or Strongbow for the journey up. So for the majority of Janners who can't even afford a £5 top up of the electric two weeks before payday, they miracously conjour up enough money that would feed a starving country for 3 years.
So everything's booked, all you can do now is wait.
This is called "The bull**** time"
This is where Janners tell any cont who wants to listen that they are off to Wemblee to see their mighty Argo. This is where they tell any cont who wants to listen how they have gone to watch Argo over 4 times since 1974, how they once stood next to Mickey Evans at a urinal in Weatherspoons, how they once saw Tommy Tynan running around Crown Ill, how they once parked in the park and ride and walked past Home Park to get to their car, how their son went to school with a lad whose next door neighbours son knew someone who was in the youth team.
All very good and genuine reasons to now pledge your dying love to the team you've loved since Sunday.
So the day arrives, your Wemblee bound. It's 6 am, you're ****ed as ****.
Armed with your, now, 5 crates of Stella, your new Argo scarf and your "Argo at Wemblee" neck tattoo (go on, I dare you) your off.
Coach after coach leaves Home Park in a procession of green and white.
Train after train leaves the station with buoyant, singing and chanting expectant fans.
Plane after plane........nope, ****ing scrap that bit.
****ty little Fiesta's, Golf's and Corsa's fly up the motorways packed, 8 deep, with the Muffs finest chavvy pricks.
"Ar-guy-yo Ar-guy-yo Ar-guy-yo"
Rings out all along Wemblee Way (654 ****ing times)
"And it's Plymuff Argo
Plymuff Argo FC
Are by far the greatest team
The world has ever seen"
Gets belted out just before the English 4th division playoff between the 5th and 6th best teams in the country's lowest league gets underway.
So you're in, you are actually in Wemblee. The 20000 of you who aren't comotosed in the back of a coach or are currently still on the train passed out on their way to Glasgow (20000 soberish Janners is a rough estimate, it's bound to be way less. Probably nearer 42) will spend the hour and a half moaning about how much you've just been charged for a beer and a microwaved Ginsters.
The game will start and all will be forgotten. It'll be ****. Fact.
It's fourth division football for ****s sake, you hadn't gone all the way to Wemblee and expected Argo to play like the 1970's Brazil side all of a sudden had you?
Oh you had?
Stupid conts.
The genuine Argo fans knew what to expect, a tough fought contest with the odd moment of brilliance here and there likely to decide the outcome.
The match is coming to an end, and just like every time Argo go to Wemblee it looks like a victory is on the cards.
The booming tannoy announcer pipes up.....
"AFTER THE FINAL WHISTLE CAN ALL FANS PLEASE STAY IN THEIR SEATS AND NOT RUN ON TO THE PITCH. THANKYOU"
You wot? Fock that!! It's the whole ****ing reason the Janners came.
All the ****ing security in the world ain't stop those conts.
And that's it, the final whistle blows and Argo have done it.
There's a mass swarm of delirious green and white jumping over the hoardings running on to the hallowed turf of Wemblee.
The security can't control it. **** me they can't even stop the 87 year old bloke who took 6 minutes lugging his ****ing zimmer frame over the barrier.
Next stop, Division 3 and the power houses of world football (Shrewsbury, Bury and Rochdale) await.
Lucky conts.
Actually the next stop for the travelling Janner fans will be either the local Wemblee nick or the nearest off licence.
Top days out for Janners
Number 1088
Wemblee.
One of the bestest things Janners like to do, once every 20 years, is to head off up to London to watch their beloved Argo.
They loves it they do.
Every man and his ****ty dog become devout Argo fans for the two weeks before the game and for roughly 2 minutes after the game finishes.
6000 season ticket holders quickly become 36000 walking, talking, bull****ting super fans.
But anyway, none of that matters. THE GREENS ARE GOING TO WEMBLEE.
Which means 36000 Janners are focking off up to London.
Oh dear god.
The build up begins with the ticket purchase, the transport booking and the hotel reservation, not to mention the purchase of 6 crates of Stella or Strongbow for the journey up. So for the majority of Janners who can't even afford a £5 top up of the electric two weeks before payday, they miracously conjour up enough money that would feed a starving country for 3 years.
So everything's booked, all you can do now is wait.
This is called "The bull**** time"
This is where Janners tell any cont who wants to listen that they are off to Wemblee to see their mighty Argo. This is where they tell any cont who wants to listen how they have gone to watch Argo over 4 times since 1974, how they once stood next to Mickey Evans at a urinal in Weatherspoons, how they once saw Tommy Tynan running around Crown Ill, how they once parked in the park and ride and walked past Home Park to get to their car, how their son went to school with a lad whose next door neighbours son knew someone who was in the youth team.
All very good and genuine reasons to now pledge your dying love to the team you've loved since Sunday.
So the day arrives, your Wemblee bound. It's 6 am, you're ****ed as ****.
Armed with your, now, 5 crates of Stella, your new Argo scarf and your "Argo at Wemblee" neck tattoo (go on, I dare you) your off.
Coach after coach leaves Home Park in a procession of green and white.
Train after train leaves the station with buoyant, singing and chanting expectant fans.
Plane after plane........nope, ****ing scrap that bit.
****ty little Fiesta's, Golf's and Corsa's fly up the motorways packed, 8 deep, with the Muffs finest chavvy pricks.
"Ar-guy-yo Ar-guy-yo Ar-guy-yo"
Rings out all along Wemblee Way (654 ****ing times)
"And it's Plymuff Argo
Plymuff Argo FC
Are by far the greatest team
The world has ever seen"
Gets belted out just before the English 4th division playoff between the 5th and 6th best teams in the country's lowest league gets underway.
So you're in, you are actually in Wemblee. The 20000 of you who aren't comotosed in the back of a coach or are currently still on the train passed out on their way to Glasgow (20000 soberish Janners is a rough estimate, it's bound to be way less. Probably nearer 42) will spend the hour and a half moaning about how much you've just been charged for a beer and a microwaved Ginsters.
The game will start and all will be forgotten. It'll be ****. Fact.
It's fourth division football for ****s sake, you hadn't gone all the way to Wemblee and expected Argo to play like the 1970's Brazil side all of a sudden had you?
Oh you had?
Stupid conts.
The genuine Argo fans knew what to expect, a tough fought contest with the odd moment of brilliance here and there likely to decide the outcome.
The match is coming to an end, and just like every time Argo go to Wemblee it looks like a victory is on the cards.
The booming tannoy announcer pipes up.....
"AFTER THE FINAL WHISTLE CAN ALL FANS PLEASE STAY IN THEIR SEATS AND NOT RUN ON TO THE PITCH. THANKYOU"
You wot? Fock that!! It's the whole ****ing reason the Janners came.
All the ****ing security in the world ain't stop those conts.
And that's it, the final whistle blows and Argo have done it.
There's a mass swarm of delirious green and white jumping over the hoardings running on to the hallowed turf of Wemblee.
The security can't control it. **** me they can't even stop the 87 year old bloke who took 6 minutes lugging his ****ing zimmer frame over the barrier.
Next stop, Division 3 and the power houses of world football (Shrewsbury, Bury and Rochdale) await.
Lucky conts.
Actually the next stop for the travelling Janner fans will be either the local Wemblee nick or the nearest off licence.
