Recent content by Carol Smilie

Christ, I'm shagged out...I've been at it all day with Handy Andy & Linda Barker. I'm gagging for a pie & a pint. Who's going to do the honours? [gaggy carol]

I'll get Lawrence onto the plumbing - he deserves it. That's not a paint-brush in my top pocket [winky carol] I'm partial to a wee glass of Bolly to go with my lunchtime mild, Mr Jan Yeo - would you like to share?

I've been at the DIY all weekend. I could murder a half of Old Peculiar. [thirsty carol]

Anyone fancy getting me a half of oatmeal stout? I'm really up to high doh about tomorrow's opening night of the new Strictly. D'you know they asked me & Anna Rider Richardson if we could give Brucie a makeover? We said that would cost far more than £500 & take far longer than 2 days. [jokey...

You're not as angelic as you make out, are you? Get me an irn bru, and you can lol with me as much as you like [friendly carol] btw - who is that rude man over there, talking sh*t?

Laurence has no b*ll*cks. His makeovers are the dogs b*ll*cks though. [winky carol]

This pub is looking pretty shabby. I think it needs a virtual makeover. I've got Laurence Llewelyn Bowen outside. Get me a half of porter, then we'll get started. [smilie carol]