Anyone know any good jokes?

[Hants_red]

A Native American introduced me to his wife "This is Four Horses." So I said, "Beautiful name, what does it mean?" He said, "Nag, nag, nag, nag."

 

[Grecian_In_Exile]

Japanese scientists have now created a camera
with such an immense shutter speed that it is now
possible to take a photograph of a woman with
her mouth closed.

 

[Grecian_In_Exile]

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question, I was well ahead, but I got this one wrong.

The question was Where do women have the curliest hair??

The answer I should have given was Fiji.

 

[Juan Kossof]

My missus has now been missing for 10 days. The police came round yesterday and told me I should prepare myself for the worst. So I've been round the Charity shops buying her clothes back.

 

[Juan Kossof]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 4am this morning. 4am FFS!!! Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes.

 

[Grecian_In_Exile]

I have a new pick up line that works every time.
It doesn't matter how gorgeous, or out of my league a woman might be,
this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes

'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?
Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

 

[Stuffy]

What's the height of impertinence... ?

...p!ssing through someones letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went up the passage.

 

[Stuffy]

On the terraces at Inverness Caledonian Thistle...


...give us a I, clap clap, give us a N, clap clap, give us a V, clap clap....................*-) |-) +o(

 

[Hants_red]

On the terraces at Inverness Caledonian Thistle...


...give us a I, clap clap, give us a N, clap clap, give us a V, clap clap....................

Have you not been at an away match where we've done:

Give us a T, give us a R, O, Y, A, R, C, H, I, B, A, L, D, -, H, E, N, V, I, L, L, E,

?

 

[Stuffy]

Have you not been at an away match where we've done:

Give us a T, give us a R, O, Y, A, R, C, H, I, B, A, L, D, -, H, E, N, V, I, L, L, E,

?

Bugger I missed that