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50 worse things about modern day football. (50-26)

les.gtfc

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Joined
Feb 7, 2009
Messages
3,119
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Grimsby
Thought you may like to read this. Many are very, very true.

50. Technical areas
Did Bob Paisley need a technical area when Liverpool won three
European Cups and six league titles? Did Alf Ramsey need a technical
area when England won the World Cup? What’s so technical about a bit
of grass and some white lines, anyway? Memo to all modern managers:
Sit down and shut up.

49. Motorway service stations
You pop in to go to the toilet and five minutes later you’ve bought a
full-English breakfast for £18.99 and joined the AA.

48. Transfer windows
Imagine if you could only do your shopping twice a year - once in
January and then in June, July and August. What would happen? You’d
have a fridge full of beer and you’d run out of toilet paper. It
wouldn’t work in real life and it doesn’t work in football.

47. Squad numbers
Remember the days when the best player was No 10 and goalkeepers were
No 1? Not any more. Thanks to someone at the Premier League watching
an American football game, players can have any number they want.
George Bowyer is Rochdale’s No 33, Ronaldinho is AC Milan’s No 80 and
William Gallas is Arsenal’s No 10. Why?

46. Autobiographies
There comes a time in every player’s life when he decides – or his
agent tells him – to write his life story. A couple of interviews with
a ghostwriter later and hey presto we have 200 pages of guff and
absolutely zero interest from the book-buying public. Wayne Rooney has
already written two books. That’s one more than he’s read.

45. Craig Bellamy
He’s gobby, he’s played for 842 clubs, he’s covered in tattoos and he
earns £90,000 a week. What’s not to like?

44. Undisclosed transfer fees
If you’re going to spend some of my hard-earned season ticket money on
a player I’ve never heard of, I want to know how much he cost. I’m not
interested in add-ons or projected fees. I just want a number. Any
number will do.

43. Statistics
American obsession that is gradually weaving itself into the fabric of
our national game. Do you care how many assists Wayne Rooney has this
season? Do you care how many passes Steve Gerrard has completed in the
final third? Do you care if Gareth Barry’s tackle win ratio has
dropped off since Christmas? Thought not. There’s only one stat that
matters. The score.

42. By mutual consent
Three of the most meaningless words in the English language. Either
the manager resigned or he was sacked. Just tell us the truth, we can
handle it.

41. Fans who complain when games are called off
Were little white things falling out of the sky when you walked to the
car this morning? Was the pavement a bit slippery? If the answer to
both these questions is yes, there’s a good chance the game’s going to
be called off. It’s not the referee’s fault, it’s not the FA’s fault
and it’s not the groundsman’s fault. Some things just weren’t meant to
be.

40. Gloves
This is England, not Siberia. Your hands will warm up if you run
around for five minutes.

39. The fat bloke in row P
Go to any football ground anywhere in England and there will be a fat
bloke in your row who will a) arrive late b) talk rubbish c) leave
five minutes before half time d) come back five minutes after the game
has restarted e) talk rubbish f) leave five minutes before the game
has finished.

38. The manager's programme column
“First off I’d like to say a big welcome to blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah we were robbed last week blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah the
lads have been training brilliantly blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah get behind the lads today
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Enjoy the
game.”

37. Formations
Yawn. 4-4-1-1, 4-3-2-1, 4-3-3, 4-1-4-1, 4-2-3-1, 3-5-2, 4-2-1-3. Can’t
we just knock it up to the big bloke and get the little bloke to bang
it in?

36. Chelsea
The new Manchester United.

35. Sky Sports News
The television station that thinks John Carew’s ingrowing toenail
responding to treatment is breaking news. Is Sky Sports News the
greatest invention known to man or a drug more addictive than crack?
We’ll be back after the break.

34. trainline.com
If you fancy following your team around the country by public
transport, don’t bother with one of the worst websites in the world.
Try telling it you want a train from Manchester to London on Saturday
night - journey time 2 hours 30 minutes. No problem. Get the 21:06 to
Birmingham New Street. Then jump on 22:53 to Northampton. Then hop on
the 04:58 bus to Leighton Buzzard. Then hop on the 06.44 bus to
London. With any luck you’ll be in Euston at 8 o’clock on Sunday
morning – journey time 11 hours.

33. Added time
“The fourth official has indicated that there will be three minutes of
added time”. So what? We got along just fine without a bloke in a
tracksuit holding up a big No 3 at a quarter to five every Saturday.

32. Joey Barton
We don’t like to kick a man when he’s down, but he did, so here goes.
Type “Joey Barton Scum” into google and you get 30,500 results.

31. Official statements
Did Robinho really say, “I am committed to helping Manchester City
become the force the owners assured me they would become”? Maybe one
of his agents typed it into his Blackberry. Robinho doesn’t know what
“committed” or “assured” mean because he doesn’t speak English.

30. Match Of The Day
Used to be the best programme on TV. Now, it’s the best football
highlights show on TV on Saturday nights.

29. Electronic pitchside advertising boards
Next time you go to Old Trafford make sure you take some sunglasses,
otherwise you’ll be blinded by the light from the adverts on the TV
screens wrapped around the pitch. A word of advice for the skinny
latte-sipping Soho adman who came up with this idea: We can’t afford a
new Audi. We’re here for the football and the beer.

28. Referee's assistants
They’re linesmen. End of.

27. Hi-tech dugouts
Minutes from Manchester United board meeting May 2007: Sir Alex
Ferguson requested that the board sanction the removal of the plastic
seats in the home and away dugouts at Old Trafford. The manager wants
them replaced with leather racing car seats like the ones they have in
Porsches and Ferraris. Sir Bobby said that was ridiculous. Sir Alex
told Sir Bobby to shut up.

26. The fourth official
Pointless – like Luton Town until the other Saturday.
 

Hants_red

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Staff member
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May 27, 2007
Messages
62,050
Location
League 1
29. Electronic pitchside advertising boards
Next time you go to Old Trafford make sure you take some sunglasses,
otherwise you’ll be blinded by the light from the adverts on the TV
screens wrapped around the pitch. A word of advice for the skinny
latte-sipping Soho adman who came up with this idea: We can’t afford a
new Audi. We’re here for the football and the beer.

So true. Thought I was the only one who had problems with them as I had never seen anyone comment on them. Bleddy irritating.
 

ECFC TOM

Active member
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
3,637
Location
Heart of the Big Bank
Many are very, very true.
Agreed. Number 38 is so very true.
 

rich13

Active member
Joined
Jan 18, 2007
Messages
1,121
Location
That Be Bristle
Just got sent the whole email at work,

6 just sums up football today:

6. Radio phone-in shows

“The next caller is Gary from Guildford. What do you want to get off your chest, Gary?”

“Well, Alan. I think Rafa’s got to go. How can you leave Torres on the bench when you need three points? And as for that ref, he’s got to be the worst ref I’ve ever seen.”

“Were you at the game, Gary?”

“No.”
 
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