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Viz Top Tips

Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
603
Location
Toulouse
Women. Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after you've been banged.
 

spick

Well-known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jan 23, 2005
Messages
5,588
Location
Watching Tit's nibbling me nuts!
Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
603
Location
Toulouse
Banging two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
 

Red Robbo

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2004
Messages
2,615
Location
Never in one place long enough.
Save on SKY by nailing a bin lid to the side of your house, fill a fish tank full of horse sh*t, put it in your living room and stare at it 24/7.
 

buggerlugs

Active member
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
1,284
Find your way to the toilet at night without the need to waste electricity by tying a piece of string between your bed and toilet. When you wake up needing to go simply place the string between your buttocks, edge backwards until you reach the toilet, ****/dump and then return to bed.
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
603
Location
Toulouse
Motorists. Park for free in any city centre by smashing the windows, pulling out the radio and attaching a "Police Aware" sticker to the front windscreen. Long-term parkers may wish to burn their vehicules out for greater effect.
 

angelic upstart

Very well known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jul 8, 2004
Messages
27,485
Obese Radio 1 breakfast DJs. Why not discuss with your colleagues on air how you intend to spend your £600k salary? Your listener demographic of 16-25 year-old van drivers, warehouse workers and sixth-formers will really appreciate the insight...
 

spick

Well-known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jan 23, 2005
Messages
5,588
Location
Watching Tit's nibbling me nuts!
DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
603
Location
Toulouse
A Shreaded Wheat on a stick makes agreat back scrubber for the first couple of seconds of your bath.
 

spick

Well-known Exeweb poster
Joined
Jan 23, 2005
Messages
5,588
Location
Watching Tit's nibbling me nuts!
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f*cking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
 
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