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Women. Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after you've been banged.
Find your way to the toilet at night without the need to waste electricity by tying a piece of string between your bed and toilet. When you wake up needing to go simply place the string between your buttocks, edge backwards until you reach the toilet, ****/dump and then return to bed.
Motorists. Park for free in any city centre by smashing the windows, pulling out the radio and attaching a "Police Aware" sticker to the front windscreen. Long-term parkers may wish to burn their vehicules out for greater effect.
Obese Radio 1 breakfast DJs. Why not discuss with your colleagues on air how you intend to spend your £600k salary? Your listener demographic of 16-25 year-old van drivers, warehouse workers and sixth-formers will really appreciate the insight...
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f*cking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
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